Friday, I had a meltdown in the salon chair. The hairdresser was advising me of the severe damage to my hair and what my options were.
I had been pressing my hair for months trying to keep it looking sleek—using heat that absolutely wreaks havoc on natural Black hair. It doesn’t matter how careful I’ve tried to be—this heat has not been kind.
The hair dryer, the flat iron, straightening brushes tons of heat—heat that does not care about my years I’ve spent trying to grow my hair. Sitting there, frustrated, emotional, and defeated, I realized I wasn’t just mourning my hair. I was mourning my effort… and the lack of fruit I saw from it.
For years I’ve struggled with growing my hair, staying consistent with my health, managing my emotions, and feeling spiritually connected. And honestly? I’ve had enough moments like this to know it’s not just about my hair. It’s about my heart.
Sunday morning, I went to church still feeling discouraged. But the Lord met me there, as He always does. He showed me clearly: Tashay, your inconsistency is costing you. You want Me to bless what you’re not willing to tend.
And that hurt. Because it was true.
Let’s talk hair.
The Bible says, “But if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering.” (1 Corinthians 11:15). I’ve always dreamed of thick, healthy, beautiful hair—not because of vanity, but because it feels like a symbol of femininity, beauty, and stewardship. But I haven’t been treating it with the care and consistency it needs. I’ve skipped the routines. I’ve grabbed the flat iron because it’s easier. I’ve prayed for growth but haven’t watered what I want to flourish.
Then there’s my body.
The ups and downs of my weight reflect the rollercoaster I’ve been on emotionally. Food has become comfort, not fuel. And if I’m honest, it’s become a god in my life at times. The Holy Spirit has gently shown me: the way I treat food is sinful. I turn to it when I should turn to God.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
I haven’t done that. I’ve neglected movement, skipped exercise, and treated my body like an afterthought. I want God to bless me with health and energy, but I haven’t done the basics.
And spiritually?
I’ve been coasting. I’ve had prayers here and there, cracked open my Bible occasionally, but there’s no rhythm. No consistency. No discipline. Yet I expect God to pour out big blessings on me like I’m living with excellence.
“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might…” (Ecclesiastes 9:10).
That hit me hard. I haven’t been doing anything with all my might. I’ve been giving halfway effort and expecting full-blown miracles.
And yet… in all this, God isn’t condemning me—He’s convicting me. Conviction leads to change. Condemnation leads to shame. And I’m choosing change.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5).
That’s it right there. I’ve tried to do so much apart from Him. That’s why I’ve been dry. Unfruitful. Exhausted.
So what now?
I’m choosing repentance. I’m choosing to start again. To commit to caring for my hair, my body, and my spirit—not out of perfectionism, but out of love for the One who created me.
I’m inviting God into the areas I’ve tried to manage alone.
No more halfway prayers. No more flat ironing through the pain. No more emotional eating without addressing the root. No more “wanting something different” while doing the same thing.
It’s time to show up for myself. And it’s time to do it with all my might.
If you’re in this space too—feeling disconnected, discouraged, disappointed in yourself—I see you. God sees you. And He’s not done with you. Let’s do this together: not by striving, but by surrendering.
Because with Him, we can grow again.
